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You’re sitting in a room, but it feels like you're not really there. You’re in a conversation, but the words drift past like background noise. You may look “fine” on the outside, but inside, it’s like a fog has rolled in.
This is dissociation.
It’s not you being broken — it's your nervous system doing its best to protect you from something that once felt unbearable.
In therapy, many people come in feeling lost or numb, confused by this feeling of not being “present” in their own life. And often, when we look beneath the surface, dissociation has been working hard in the background for years — sometimes decades — to keep them safe.
So let’s talk about what dissociation really is, how it can show up, and how we begin to gently work with it in therapy.
What Is Dissociation?
At its core, dissociation is a psychological defense mechanism. It happens when something — a situation, a memory, an emotion, a sensation — feels too intense, too overwhelming, or too painful to process in the moment.
So instead of feeling it fully, the mind takes a step back.
It creates distance. Sometimes that distance feels like daydreaming. Other times, like complete detachment from your own body or emotions.
In essence, the mind says:
"This is too much right now. I need to switch off so we can get through this."
How Dissociation Can Look and Feel
Dissociation isn’t always dramatic or obvious. In fact, many people experience it without knowing the name for it. It might look like:
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Zoning out during conversations
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Forgetting chunks of your day
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Feeling like you’re watching yourself from outside your body
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Emotional numbness — knowing something should upset you, but feeling nothing
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Feeling “not real” or like the world around you is fake
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Losing time or feeling robotic
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Struggling to remember parts of your past, especially around trauma
You might even feel “floaty,” dreamlike, or like you’re here… but not really here. And that can be incredibly isolating.
Why Does Dissociation Happen?
Dissociation often begins in childhood or during moments where a person felt unsafe, unseen, powerless or hopeless— physically or emotionally.
In environments where crying, speaking up, or even just feeling was dangerous or dismissed, the mind found a different way to cope: by retreating inward and compartmentalising feelings, emotions and sensations.
Sometimes that looks like splitting off from memories, or parts of the self — especially when there was no one there to help make sense of what was happening.
Even in adulthood, dissociation can be triggered by stress, conflict, or anything that echoes earlier unresolved experiences. It’s the mind saying, “This feels familiar… and dangerous. Let’s leave.”
Is It a Disorder?
Not always. Dissociation is a normal human response — we all do it to some degree. Daydreaming during a boring meeting? Mild dissociation. Driving home and not remembering how you got there? Also dissociation.
But when it becomes chronic — interfering with relationships, work, or a sense of identity — it may be part of a trauma response or a dissociative disorder (like DID or Depersonalisation Disorder).
That said, a diagnosis isn’t the most important part. Understanding the “why” and finding safety again — that’s where the work begins.
How We Work With Dissociation in Therapy
In a Person-Centred Approach
Person-centred therapy starts with relationship and trust. Dissociation often begins in environments where needs weren’t recognised — so healing begins in a space where your experience is deeply heard without judgment.
In a person-centred space:
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You set the pace. Nothing is forced.
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The goal isn’t to “fix” you, but to understand you, with compassion.
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You’ll begin to reconnect with feelings you may have had to suppress.
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Over time, this safety allows dissociated parts to come back gently.
Sometimes just being in company where someone truly listens — without trying to change or rush you — is the beginning of hope and integration.
Psychoanalytic Work With Dissociation
Psychoanalytic therapy takes a deep dive into the unconscious. Dissociation is often tied to parts of the self or psyche that had to be hidden and split off to survive — and psychoanalysis honours this complexity.
In this space, we explore:
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The origins of your dissociation — how early attachments (or lack of), relationships, or unmet needs shaped the pattern
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The symbols and metaphors of your inner world — for example how your dreams may point to buried parts
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The way past experiences repeat themselves in present life (including in therapy)
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Defense mechanisms and the inner conflicts that lead to “splitting off” from emotion or memory
You don’t need to “know everything” right away. The unconscious speaks in layers, and therapy becomes a place where those layers slowly surface — not to overwhelm you, but to be witnessed and, eventually, understood.
3. How Long Does Healing Take?
There’s no one-size-fits-all answer here — and if anyone tells you it should only take 6 sessions, please be cautious.
Dissociation is often the result of years of survival, and unravelling that takes time. But time doesn’t mean forever — it means depth, honesty, consistency, and above all, safety.
In therapy, we go at your pace. Sometimes progress is fast, sometimes it stalls — and both are okay. What matters most is that we create space for your whole self to return, piece by piece.
What You Can Expect in Sessions
In working with dissociation, I might:
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Help you ground when you feel floaty or “gone”
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Encourage gentle body awareness (if safe for you)
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Explore memories or emotions only when you’re ready
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Stay present with you during moments of disconnection
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Name what’s happening with warmth, not clinical coldness
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Offer steady presence — even when you’re unsure if you're “here”
This is slow, sacred work. And it’s possible.
Final Thoughts
If you’re dissociating, you’re not crazy, dramatic, or broken. You’re someone who adapted — brilliantly — to a world that didn’t always feel safe.
But adaptation doesn’t have to be the end of the story.
Therapy offers a space to return — not all at once, but gradually. Softly. Safely.
You are welcome here, exactly as you are. And if parts of you still feel hidden or far away — we’ll wait for them together.
Need support in this area?
You’re not alone. I work with clients experiencing dissociation, trauma, emotional numbness, or identity confusion — and I offer a space where those experiences can be explored at your own pace, with safety, compassion, and care. Reach out to book a consultation at MindSpace Counselling
© Maja Farrell
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